Late Valentine's Present

Anybody remember getting the old Valentine's Day presents back in grade school? I do, awkwardly. It's weird in a sense because for us adults in 2019, Valentine's Day represents love and affection for our significant others. Hell-- for some men, it's a ploy to get into something nasty with a lady. I ain't gon sugahcoat shit here. But for me as a kid growing up in the 90's, teachers giving me candy in elementary school on Valentine's Day felt like another holiday as a way for us to get free candy like Halloween or Easter. Welp dear fetishists, here in this featured clip, we have a holiday mascot who is more than willing to give us a free treat.

Got your treat bags ready? Because before you can even lift your finger off of the screen after pressing play, Zee has your sweet little treat ready to show her love for you as a fetish exhibitionist. Peeking from in between the round cheeks of our bottomless cupid, Zee's chunky chocolate slides out smoothly before hitting the bathroom floor underneath her. Let me explain the reasons why I loved this clip so much, I ate chocolate and dark red kidney beans for a week straight... (I'm weird, I know. Don't judge.)

• Bruh, look at that turd! For some reason, a woman's poop comes across my peripherals as candy to me. It's chunkier than a PayDay, dark chocolate in hue and it changes from a hard, thick mammoth into some consistently smooth, red nougat as it falls from rectal heaven. I just can't help it. It's my brown Kryptonite.
• Her sounds are life. There's no slow moans of labor as Zee births this vegan food baby out of her ass, only the sound of crackles from it squeezing through her brown-pink eye and a thump once it makes landfall. These fecal beats are an easy audio nutbuster to compliment its visual contemporary.
• Positioning is key. Speaking of food, the decision for this gassy librarian to try turdbirthing in the spoon position must be praised both for its variety and its ability to please the common palette. It's like sushi-- popular in its own right, delectable in appeal, and classy nonetheless in presentation. The poop spoon is not like the monotonous toilet/squat/doggie position that most girls film themselves in most clips, it is a delicacy in which all of the components of a great poop video are served to the masses.

Late Valentine's Present is sadly Zee's last experiment on a tube site platform, but you can relive each moment of relief on her ThisVid page and follow her Twitter & Reddit accounts to see more creative emissions like this.