Farts 'N Facials-- Kumora Brilee

Indifference is painted across my face as beauty product commercials suddenly play on my TV screen. It's not that I don't care about women's needs and how they take care of themselves-- I do. But COME ON! Look at this… You got somebody who prolly only eats a cup of yogurt and a leg quarter a day applying cream to her already-perfect face, her house is remarkably high tech and well-lit to be in a morning setting… it's unrealistic! Even the infomercials don't really sell me on their pitches. Everybody knows the directors have the person trying the product take a snapshot of their pimpled, boogery-eyed, depressed faces without doing their hair and months later a selfie comes back of them with clearer skin, a shit-eating grin and hairstyle done by someone who jumps back and forth between the sets of Keeping Up With The Kardashians and Total Bellas. Not impressed.

Now before you aggressively type in the comments section below for me to "just change the channel and stop bitchin' BITCH!!!", I'm ahead of you. Instead of watching those anorexic, high life, perky chicks you see dressed up on TV, I got a serious goddess in my phone. You can look at her shoulders and chest area in the opening scene and tell that this is a thick'un. Lathered scrub covers her mocha melanated mandible up to her dark brown, medium sized lips.

Next, this goddess-- beautifully named Kumora Brilee-- channels her inner stripper as she crawls onto a bed in a medium-lit room and lifts her butt cheeks from left to right like a drummer lifts its sticks. You can just watch the waves rise as the horizontal lines on her thigh length dress detract from their course.

Wooo Lawd... Gestures like that are always gonna be sexy to me even leading up to my death. I hope heaven has cell phones and desktops. As if that didn't raise my blood pressure enough, KB soon starts cracking some swift farts! Now I have gone from trying to look under her dress (on a smartphone no less!) to trying to sniff the screen. We got phones that respond to voice recognition in the new millennium, so smell-o-vision needs to be a new development soon. Don't judge.

Tired of shifting positions on her bed in a room stuffed with flatulence, Goddess Kumora heads into the bathroom where you hear her sexy voice talk for the first time in this scatfomercial. "Are you ready to sniff some farts?" she says, and like the lil geek with the gap from Robot Chicken I answer "yes". Yeah… she gotta be a goddess and one of Kumora's powers must be the ability to grow a story-high oak tree in the laps of grown men with the way she slowly lifted her dress.

Built like an AXComix drawing, Miss Brilee sits her thick ass on the edge of her tub and dishes out more farts.

She then starts SHARTING! Okay-- the whole time I was watching this I thought that she something trying to sneak out from between her plump sofa cushions-- now my suspicions have been proven as fact.

Next she grabs her ass and says "I got a nice… big shit in here. Would you like to see?" Now possessed by the dormant turd demon in me, I answer "yes".

Becoming an impromptu genie, Goddess Kumora grants my wish. Spreading her ass cheeks while silently bearing down, she drops a greenish-brown load with a curved tip and soft serve finish. Will Smith would be proud...

While I try to exorcise this turd demon of me, you can go out and get this clip yourself from Goddess Kumora Brilee's ManyVids page. Seeing is believing.