Gassy Empress in "Smooth 2 Hard"

Here's something interactive for you greasy readers out there– type in the comment section below verbatim a quote that you hate passionately. One that I hate (amongst the many coiled) is the phrase "Life's all about the journey, not the destination." Eternal eye roll from me. Whoever made that sentence up didn't have real objectives in life. I don't know about any of you but I wasn't in a rush to apply for a job just to train, perfect and endure the trade while I had bills to pay. I certainly didn't put the customers' joy in their hearts over the rumbling in my own stomach. A nigga needs to eat. Three times a day as a matter of fact. It's too bad my employer never realized that. I always realized how stupid that quote sounded ever since I first heard it. It's up there with "you can't have your cake and eat it too." What's the point of having cake if you can't eat it? If you don't want me to achieve a goal and enjoy the spoils then just say that.

You know, one of my bosses at said employer had the nerve to point out that I didn't like change during a private session– it's true. I don't. It's not so much the nature of change that I don't like, it's the circumstances in which changes occur. I don't believe that when something is in an ideal state it should ever change. McDonald's cheeseburgers were in an ideal state- until the CEOs decided to add bacon to it as an alternative option. The plot to Walking Dead was moving along fine until Negan cracked Glenn's head open. And Bluetooth headphones were delightful until somebody at Apple decided to create a pair that didn't have wires coming from them. Okay, so maybe all change isn't bad. You know who else convinced me that change was necessary? Gassy Empress. How did she do it? Scroll down…

From plush to thin.

*Starts playing Boys to Men by New Edition on Pandora* When I first caught wind of this chocolate diva on Twitter, the first impression that was processed in my aging mind was one of a very cushioned, savory, high-maintenanced badass who only produced HD clips featuring methane blasts powerful enough to knock a Time Stone-loaded Thanos down to both knees. (That's a helluva impression ain't it?) Gassy Empress made enough of an impression on me, a scat lover, that I subbed to her OnlyFans for six months straight as part of a bundle deal. And wouldn't you know it– Mother Nature drops a rainstorm of change into everyone's life like clockwork.

OnlyFans did a thorough sweep of all its sex workers' accounts so all scat sold on the pages and in paid messages got deleted. Whole accounts got deleted. It felt like they committed a Thanos snap with MasterCard, Visa and STRIPE acting as its Infinity Stones. It's all good doe– the scat fetish has Scatbook/Darkfans now. Gassy Empress dropped a lot of weight during these evolving times. I forget the procedure, but I'm glad she made a life-altering decision for the better. And if you know my antics by now, that's not really the way she convinced me that some change is good. Behold the new Gassy Empress in her 4 part compilation I titled Smooth 2 Hard.

Scenes 1 & 2: Smooth

This cute little compilation starts off with what appears to be our favorite former BBW stopping in after completing an afternoon errand to blow her ass out in a wet way. Here she doesn't even have a good moment to sit the car keys down before the stankiness comes bursting in the house thru Gassy Empress' back door. And just like a group of rowdy Black ghetto kids, these streams break in viciously.

Scene 3: Firm

She must be filling a poop order right here. We get a closer bird's eye view as Gassy Empress cooks up some more homemade peanut butter in this scene, the batch being extra creamy. It's giving scat bae vibes as the thicker logs hit the off-brand tupperware with a soft thud.

Scene 4: Hard

Brace yourselves for big fantasy vibes here. GE channels her inner domme as she says "excuse me" before blessing her tub with one wide liquid golden stream and two hard light brown ones. The journey of stool consistency ends in the last part of this compilation with the longest and most difficult of pushes.

Gassy Empress deserves a Hall of Fame induction with the release of Smooth 2 Hard. 

Here's the reality of facing this particular elephant in the room: appearance shouldn't overshadow talent. I feel like once Jennifer Hudson dropped the weight, everything in her PR exposure suddenly became about her weight loss. Nah, forget about the type of vocal power this Chicago native wields– her looking pencil-thin in a vanilla bean cotton dress on a magazine cover is more important. 🙄. And publishers wonder why talented artists feel unappreciated.

It's true that the Rich Bossy Btch herself put out a shit ton of work prior to this clip and her weight loss surgery, but real ones know that her current looks (even if she is viewed as more attractive) can't overshadow her toilet talent. If anything, her diet change has done favors for her fetish clips and Smooth 2 Hard is a damning thesis to have on hand as evidence. How? Allow me to explain…

Even with decreased fart power, Gassy Empress still swaggers onto the screen with the same queendom seen in a larger body mass and sassier dresses. If you follow her on Twitter, she generally looks cute enough to hug tightly but this lil Southern lady churns out loads like a factory machine thanks to her diet. I'm willing to bet that this comp is the total number of bowel movements she had in one single day. And speaking of factory food dispensaries, her bootyhole looking entirely cute constantly poking out like that. It's an experience that's relatively new to a viewer like me who first discovered GE as a nuclear-powered plumper. You can even see the kitty too.

All in all, the clip itself is a lovely journey through consistency while maintaining a path of sexiness and class. The fade ins and outs between each scene were great transitions. The resolution is still the same as her past clips. Dat ass of hers is still phat despite shedding a significant amount of weight. You'll agree with me once you get to the awesome finale of Smooth 2 Hard that is the 4th scene. Sometimes I feel like she should call herself "Tub Goddess" the way GE looks so magnificent sitting on one with no bottoms. England had Queen Elizabeth II for sitting on a throne, scat niggas have $GlamSugar I for tubs nationwide. 

ORDER SMOOTH 2 HARD DIRECTLY FROM GASSY EMPRESS OR

CATCH THIS CLIP ON HER SCATBOOK PAGE!!!