Goddamn they got the Easter stuff up already. You know which places– the kind of places that have the Easter candy & merchandise up the DAY AFTER Valentine's; the same places that close early on Thanksgiving and as soon as you go back the next day, Christmas shit is right there as soon as you walk in. That reminds me– what the FUCK is up with the childhood concept of Easter? Especially the egg/candy concept of it? A rabbit is gonna suddenly appear in my momma's front yard, defecate colored hard-boiled eggs in the rough patches and hop away to the next house? How do you expect Black kids in the ghetto to comprehend the dynamics of this special event? I feel more confused than Okonkwo trying to understand the teachings of Christianity.
As I got older, the illogical gap grew even larger. Now you're telling me that this invisible bunny rabbit can now shit hollow plastic eggs with candy in it? How is this possible? Is there something within the rabbit's guts that fosters that rearrangement? How does Reese's Miniatures and Starburst Jellybeans get in there? And why don't the eggs smell like rabbit ass after they come out? I had a lot of questions as a kid but now I understand what really happened with Easter back in the 90s. It's more of a marketing ploy until you grasp the biblical impact behind the holiday.
Not gon cap, the thought behind Easter appeal is wonderful even if you don't believe in Jesus. Bright pastel colors, loose incorporation in schools, generation of positive energy and most importantly FREE CANDY! Like kids need another holiday where they can get free candy😒 Why can't they keep the same energy for adults? Don't een need to sit down and think up a mascot or a purpose, scat fans already have a cute little creature that manufactures sweet treats out of her ass year-round, not just on the 4th Sunday of April. Her name is Breanne “Sparkle” Williams and she is our resident fairy who will demonstrate her God-given abilities in the EFRO Zone sequel titled Under The Rainbow II.
Do you honestly expect less than passing marks for her? Mz. Cupkakez gets 5 stars.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
If us scat fetishists are gonna have our own holiday, then the chosen mascot has to be able to deliver (so to speak.) Breanne has in my eyes been able to not only perform as expected for an underground culture, but keep her audience captivated with the following checked boxes:
- She's got a clear objective of what she wants her brand to be. This one's bittersweet: on one hand I'll give Breanne bonus points for fixing her hair up extra nice, and on the other hand the dressing feels like a step down. Wig or not, she's got two extra puffs twirled up on each side of her head. As if she couldn't look any cuter, the styling in addition to the dual color hair matches her colorful nature. The top, while not as formal as that nightgown from part one, matches my preferred dressing of fetish workers– bottomless like 1940s cartoon characters. This little woman definitely understood the assignment and read my mind for the course syllabus. Tinkerbell has long felt like the symbol for children's imagination being used as a cameo sprinkling magic on the Disney logo whenever she appeared, and Breanne “Sparkle” Williams is a welcome fetish symbol for brown screen magic.
- Mascots are meant to serve a purpose. Santa Clause delivered gifts to good little boys & girls, the Easter bunny hopped onto your lawn (and in adolescent years into my momma's apartment living room) to shart out eggs, and Mz. Cupkakez magically walks onto your cellphone screen to take a shit in the background. It's a simple yet remarkable performance that makes my heart grow 3 times bigger with each new video.
I haven't seen her use a toilet seat yet but I don't feel the need to. The squat position is officially Sparkle's trademark.
- Underwear has fruits as its emblem, cereal has animals, and candy bars have… her. To be honest, all of the aforementioned industries have mascots to generate excitement over their products. You can't help but feel empowered when Tony The Tiger jumps into a navy blue & orange screen and tells you that Frosted Flakes are great. The craving of Froot Loops only worsens after that parrot holds up a bowl full of rainbow-colored fruit rings. Candy brands don't have that weapon at their disposal because they already know kids want their product immediately. I myself could do without chocolate as part of my diet but the way Mz. Cupkakez's doo-doo falls from in between those massive butt cheeks, I'm suddenly craving Tootsie Rolls! I don't mean to gross anybody out with weaker institutions but seeing a body part that you love so passionately perform its primary function does something sexually evolutionary to the human mind. Ms. Williams’ king-sized Tootsie Roll was a much better production than the last couple of nuggets birthed out in her last two reviews. Almost feel like she's come full circle since her debut here🤔
Under The Rainbow II shows Breanne “Sparkle” Williams’ ability to dig deep down and channel the gift that everybody who's heard of her knows she has. With every new recording and heartfelt effort attempted by this little plumper, every viewing feels like a special holiday.
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